i hope my violin teacher doesn't read this

As a violin performance major, I'm supposed to practice at least two hours a day.  I probably average about an hour and a half, including the times I practice for chamber music.  But this isn't about that.

It's about this:  What really matters?  And what makes us choose the things we do?

Being a good violinist is an integral part of who I am, and I'm afraid to think of how losing that would change me.  But -- being a phenomenal violinist is not at all my dream.  Because I know that if that ever happens, it will mean I sacrificed some of the things that are the most important to me - the things that matter.

Is this just an attempt to justify myself?  When I intentionally choose to practice less than I could, it's easy to explain this choice by saying that other things are more important.  But is it right?

When I struggle with the choices I'm making, sometimes it helps to identify the things I value the most, so I can see where my priorities fall.  So here's what's important to me, in the broadest sense:
faith.
relationships with people.
finding and embracing truth.

That sums it up pretty well, actually, and all three of them overlap.  And in this moment, none of them involves dragging my tired self to a practice room.  Instead I will curl up on a couch with a book and maybe a spectacularly knitted blanket, and I will be content in doing the wrong thing which, in the end, feels right.