wholeness

A while ago, I recognized my own need for attainability.  Sometimes, I realized, the world got too big for me, and then I just had to take baby steps.  I think maybe this isn't a bad philosophy.  I will always, always be wrestling with the bigger questions, but they so easily become overwhelming.  In those times, I need to know how to be okay with the small things.
This weekend, I realized that I'm scared by the prospect of Real Life.  This is such a college-student cliche, I know, but I'm into being honest with myself.  It's not even the thought of what-will-I-do, it's how-will-I-do-it and what-do-I-want.  I think this was brought on by the overwhelming number of people who asked me what I want to do after college.  (Spending the weekend at an inter-generational food conference, this came up way too many times around the lunch table.)  I was tempted to start answering simply, "I want to follow Jesus."

The car ride home challenged me just as much as, if not more than, the actual conference.  Hearing people's stories about sustainable agriculture this weekend was amazing and inspiring, but talking to Larisa and Katie in the car on the way back, I was struck again by the huge, all-encompassing nature of this issue.  It isn't just about food and farming, it's about the economy, energy use, oil consumption, stewardship, climate change, and the brokenness of the system.  It blows my mind.
It doesn't even matter what the global solution is at this point, because we're so far from it.  But that doesn't mean we should do anything, does it?  That doesn't mean it's not worth it to fight a problem, just because you know you aren't going to solve it in your lifetime.
In a way, it's not even about progress or solution.  It's about my complete incapability to be okay with doing nothing in the face of injustice, and I pray to God that I never lose that.

i don't write poetry

i am fragmented;
a parceled offering held to a mirror
and found wanting.
drowning in this murky mess
of ingratitude
self destruction
lack
there is nothing so powerful
as the need
to be free.

I Am
your strength,
your blessed redemption.
day by day
I will feed your soul.
You
Will
Never
Be
Enough
but-
I Am.

let's just all be happy

A little part of me hates Valentine's Day.

Not because I hate love, of course.  I love telling people I love them.  I also love chocolate and flowers and cupcakes and decorating things (like my friend's boyfriend's car).  And I love dressing up and being happy.

But I do hate things that are exclusive.  I hate the name "singles awareness day", even though I have never felt that way on this day, and it doesn't apply to me now.  I wish everyone was happy, no matter what their circumstances are.  And most of all, I wish there wasn't such stigma attached to Valentine's Day.  Like if you're single you don't have feel lonely, and if you're not, you don't have to do anything special.  My own Valentine's Day celebration involved spending an entire day helping a youth group make a Valentine's Day banquet for a fundraiser, decorating and carrying plates and washing dishes, taking a break for dinner with the one who made it all worth it, and ending the day exhausted but happy.  And tonight I'm having dinner with a bunch of amazing girls.

So I guess I'm asking all of us to embrace this day because it's a day.  Because God gave us another chance for the millionth time, and that's pretty great.  I'm saying, let's not worry about romantic love or lack of it.  Let's spend time with people we love and tell them we love them.

Also, read this.  It's awesome and probably made my day.

http://jmm.aaa.net.au/articles/20899.htm?sms_ss=facebook&at_xt=4d594a9372e6af90,0

the joy of today

One of my favorite things in the world is watching people do the things that they are the most passionate about.  You can see on their faces how much they love it.  I have seen this twice today, both in the eyes of someone playing piano - one who played Chopin gloriously, with all the power and joy it was meant to contain, and one who played and sang her soul's delights, turning eyes in a packed coffeehouse, and whose music never fails to amaze me with its truth.  And although these two were very different, they made me feel the same way.  Like this is enough reason to live.  This, the privilege of observing a person's deep gladness.