wholeness

A while ago, I recognized my own need for attainability.  Sometimes, I realized, the world got too big for me, and then I just had to take baby steps.  I think maybe this isn't a bad philosophy.  I will always, always be wrestling with the bigger questions, but they so easily become overwhelming.  In those times, I need to know how to be okay with the small things.
This weekend, I realized that I'm scared by the prospect of Real Life.  This is such a college-student cliche, I know, but I'm into being honest with myself.  It's not even the thought of what-will-I-do, it's how-will-I-do-it and what-do-I-want.  I think this was brought on by the overwhelming number of people who asked me what I want to do after college.  (Spending the weekend at an inter-generational food conference, this came up way too many times around the lunch table.)  I was tempted to start answering simply, "I want to follow Jesus."

The car ride home challenged me just as much as, if not more than, the actual conference.  Hearing people's stories about sustainable agriculture this weekend was amazing and inspiring, but talking to Larisa and Katie in the car on the way back, I was struck again by the huge, all-encompassing nature of this issue.  It isn't just about food and farming, it's about the economy, energy use, oil consumption, stewardship, climate change, and the brokenness of the system.  It blows my mind.
It doesn't even matter what the global solution is at this point, because we're so far from it.  But that doesn't mean we should do anything, does it?  That doesn't mean it's not worth it to fight a problem, just because you know you aren't going to solve it in your lifetime.
In a way, it's not even about progress or solution.  It's about my complete incapability to be okay with doing nothing in the face of injustice, and I pray to God that I never lose that.