unorthodox methods of coping

If you ever struggle to process something that is full of emotions, I recommend watching Zoolander.

No but seriously.  I learned something about myself tonight:  When I'm wrenched inside from too many kinds of feelings, the best thing I can do for myself is step back from them for just long enough to be able to think clearly.  Then the best thing I can do is talk about it, write about it, live into it.

Tonight I went to see Brent Anders' senior show, called REAL.  It was about vulnerability and the secrets we keep because we're afraid of what they might mean.  Twelve short plays, all unique, but united in this theme.  And it was amazing, because it was so hilarious and yet so poignant and raw.  It showed so clearly the stories associated with change, alienation, abuse, and self-destructiveness, and most of all, they are the stories of all of us.

It brought tears to my eyes many times.  It made me reach out for my two dearly loved friends who were there with me.  And as the three of us left, we all felt so burdened by what we had seen and felt, and we reacted in different ways.  I knew I was feeling the pain of so many, and I knew I wasn't big enough to contain it all.  I needed to let it be a shared pain.  Grace's anger at the world's injustice inspired me - sometimes anger can be a powerful fuel for activism and change.

So after we got back, I watched Zoolander for half an hour with some other people, until I was ready to think and talk.  Later we found ourselves in our room, talking about hope or lack of it.  Here's an example.

Grace:  ...That's been on the back burner for me.
Me:  I hate burners!
Bekah:  Life should just....be a stir fry!
Impassioned agreement ensues.

The reason I love these two girls is because we can express emotion in the most illogical, random, exhausting, inspiring, fulfilling ways.  Tonight, while talking about our frustrations at the world's closed-mindedness and oppression, we had a pillow fight (inspired by Grace's comment of "I want solve all the injustices of the world.  I just can't do it by throwing things!").  Surprisingly, it helped a lot.

So the moral of this story is, don't be afraid of thoughts and feelings that crush you with their weight.  Know what you need to survive them, and understand that whatever you need is okay, but just don't be afraid.  The world will not be made a better place without you feeling a bit of its pain.  And through everything, hold tight to those who love you.