I have spent the past several months learning a concerto with which to audition for the concerto competition, the past several weeks practicing it over and over and over, and the past several hours trying to ignore the growing feeling of fear and stress in the bottom of my stomach. Tomorrow I will find out if these many, many hours of practice have been worth it.
It's actually not quite how it sounds....Even if I'm not one of the ones who gets to perform their concerto at the EMU spring concert in March, I will have learned a great piece of music, and I will have another chance when I'm a senior. But I'm so afraid of walking off that stage knowing I could have done better. I owe it to myself, at least, to give an amazing performance.
This week, rehearsing with my private teacher, she somehow knew exactly what to tell me to remember. I suppose it's not that surprising, considering that she's gone through this process many times herself. But she keeps telling me, don't worry about the little things. Little things will always go wrong. Focus on capturing the bigger feelings of the music, think about where each line is going, and grab onto it when you get there.
And today as I was leaving, she told me, remember this: you're giving a gift to the audience. And I thought - as a musician, what more could I ask for? I was born to do this. Not to win competitions or gain glory and admiration....but to touch the hearts of an audience.
AMEN my love.
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